Become older doesn’t need to be a reason or ‘excuse’ to stop having sex. It is often more a question of whether you were able to enjoy sex in earlier years, whether you have been able to explore your body and develop a rich sexual repertoire. Women who were used to make love from a sense of duty instead of coming from a full YES, tend to give up on sex altogether when they get older. Another reason might be that you feel less comfortable in your own skin or feel less attractive.

The riper, the better

Many older women and men actually end up having better sex lives. There is less pressure and this favors intimacy. Sometimes more stimulation is needed, but the power of fantasy and erotic sensuality can reach new heights in more mature people. The love between them will deepen because their intimate encounters take place in the context of a whole shared life story. It is precisely in one’s riper years that you can learn to play the other’s body as an instrument of pleasure. In the awareness of our impermanence, the beauty of physical love becomes a true treasure.

Menopause

During and after menopause, women can learn to listen to their bodies even better. Instead of resisting the changes, you can focus on loving yourself more, accepting and embracing the fact that your body is becoming flabbier and more fragile. Then your self-love remains your foundation for intimacy and sexuality. If you suffer from vaginal dryness it is good to explore what excites you. Sometimes dancing to sensual music can be sufficient to become more wet.

Ailments and loneliness

In case of dementia or chronic illnesses that involve apathy or other neurological disorders, lovemaking may become confusing for both parties. I have worked intensively with elderly people for seven years and know how people can suffer when they lose their partners at an advanced age and/or are not touched any longer.

For all questions around sexuality and aging, consulting a sexologist can provide a lot of support. Often, even one consultation is enough to break through an old thinking mode and steer you in a new direction or help you open up to something that used to be taboo for you.