If there is no medical cause for the pain, many sexologists will look for solutions to initially avoid the pain altogether and then slowly start building up your tolerance, for example by using tampons and pelvic exercises with a physiotherapist.

But often there is so much more going on. Allowing penetration too quickly, without sufficient excitement and passion, is one of the reasons that younger women suffer from pain when making love. They go along with their lover’s higher pace without listening to their own bodies and don’t signal to their partner that they are not yet ready for the next step.

Tracing back the trail

If the pain is a more chronic issue, you might ask yourself what might be the underlying causes for your body’s difficulty to open up. Are you someone who likes to keep in control? Have you had bad experiences with sexuality in the past that now claim your attention? What messages did you receive, verbally and non-verbally, in your family of origin? Are you able to honor your father and the masculine in general? How do you feel about your own and your partner’s genitals? If you associate sex with negative feelings, this makes it difficult to open up.

Being clear about your boundaries

Painful intercourse often has to do with trust, surrendering, daring to be clear about your boundaries and also stretching them. Body and mind are one, so merely avoiding the pain will not lead to solutions. In a sexology consult, we look at your receptivity in a broader sense. What is this pain really telling you? You can you create more space for yourself in this area, both literally and metaphorically?